When Loneliness Turns Dangerous: A Chrisitan Response to Incel Culture and the Netflix Show Adolescence
Lazily lying on my bed looking out the window my phone sprung into action.
‘I’m shaking, It’s so horrible, I can’t cope,’ read the message that lit up. It was from my daughter. A short moment followed where the world seemed to stop turning and all kinds of scenarios rapidly fired through my head. I slowed my breathing ‘what’s up?’ I texted back.
She was watching the third episode in the new Netflix drama Adolescence. Seemed it was having a profound effect on her, in fact she cried for a good 15 minutes after the show had finished. She was not alone if social media was anything to go by. The shock and distress parents, and families were going through watching this seemingly normal child from a normal family display such awful behaviours seemed to be waking people up. Waking them up to an underground movement that many have known about for ages, Incels and what is known as the Manosphere.
The show has struck a nerve,and rightly so. It paints a disturbing but honest picture of a hidden online world that preys on vulnerability and loneliness. For many viewers, it’s been a wake-up call. For us, as a Christians, it’s a reminder how important it is for us to spread compassion, understanding and unity.
Beneath the surface of the show is a heartbreaking truth: many young people, especially young men, are feeling lost, rejected, and angry. And when that pain isn’t addressed with love, understanding, and truth, it can be twisted into something dangerous.
What Is an Incel?
The term “incel” stands for “involuntary celibate.” It began as a way for people to describe feeling left out of romantic and sexual relationships. But in many online spaces, it has grown into something far darker.
Incel forums are often full of misogyny (hatred of women), entitlement, self-hatred, and despair. They feed on a sense of rejection, validating this feeling by normalizing it, then twisting this into a hatred for girls and women. Some incel communities glorify violence. Some see women as the enemy. Some deny that love or connection are even possible.
It’s chilling and it’s also deeply sad. Because at the heart of it all is a cry for belonging, for identity, for love.
Even more disturbing perhaps is that some of these groups use religion as part of the tools in their arsenal.
Why Christians Should Care
Because Jesus cares.
Because every young person in our community (or outside of it) whether they’re openly struggling or quietly withdrawing matters deeply to God.
Because most of the boys and young men drawn into this culture are not “monsters.” They are hurting. They are looking for meaning.
And because young girls are being hurt, abused and killed because of this ideology.
Incel ideology is a distortion of that truth. It offers a false identity, rooted in bitterness and hopelessness. We must name it, challenge it and offer something better.
The Part The Church Can Play
As the Church, we are called to be a community that sees the unseen. That welcomes the outsider. We are also a place that calls for unity, that wants everyone to be loved and to feel loved.
We have a duty to call out the sin but help the sinner.
Churches are also places of community, hopefully beneficial communities, a place where people can feel they belong, are important and matter. They are places where older male role models can be found.
When it comes to loneliness, a lack of belonging and feeling worthy I would hope that churches can offer some respite for most.
We must get better at this, at offering a place to rest for all, no matter their age or circumstances.
What We Need To Do Better
As Chrisitans we must hold up the behavior we want and expect to see in others. Something that seems easy to do on the surface but is much harder in reality.
Churches can be a great place to affirm healthy masculinity. Male congregation members can become role models to younger men within and outside of the church. Being a man is about lots of things but courage, kindness, responsibility, and love spring to my mind.
Churches can be a great place to create a no tolerance behavior against any kind of derogatory or degrading behaviour towards women. Those sly comments about female congregation members must stop and in particular the older generation need to acknowledge that all kinds of patriarchal behavior are damaging to both men and women.
We can’t be afraid to discuss or mention difficult topics. Christian teaching has a huge part to play in discussing porn, violence, gender, sexuality, relationships and masculinity through a lens of truth and grace. We can’t bury our heads in the sand.
We must offer ourselves up as non-judgmental ears for all, we must be a place where people can share all they are thinking.
For Parents
If you are a parent of a child/young person I urge you to watch this programme and discuss it with your children, obviously in an age appropriate way. Ask open ended questions, challenge even the slightest negative comment a child makes about themselves or another. Try please to create a judgment-free space where your child feels they can open up to you.
If you need help or are worried about your child, get them help sooner rather than later.
Most of all, please don’t assume it can’t happen in your home or this church. Incel ideology doesn’t just live in the dark corners of the internet. It touches schools, gaming forums, group chats, and even churches.
For Young People
If you’re a young person struggling please know that you are not alone. Maybe you’ve felt invisible. Maybe you’ve been rejected. Maybe you’re angry. Maybe you’ve stumbled into online spaces that made you feel powerful.
Please hear this; there is another way and you matter.
You were made for love, not hatred. For connection, not control. For community, not isolation.
You are not defined by how others see you or whether you’ve ever been in a relationship. Your worth is not up for debate. You are worthy.
Please talk to someone. A youth worker, a trusted adult, a therapist, a friend. You don’t have to carry this alone. Or e-mail us or another pastor at a church where you will find a non-judgmental ear.
Where to Get Help (UK-Based Resources)
If you or someone you know is struggling, these organisations offer confidential help and support:
National Support:
- Childline – 0800 1111 | childline.org.uk
- Young Minds – Mental health support for young people | youngminds.org.uk
- The Mix – Free support for under-25s | themix.org.uk
- Respect Phoneline – Support for people worried about their behaviour | respectphoneline.org.uk
Support in Northamptonshire:
- The Lowdown (Northampton) – Mental health, counselling, and wellbeing support for 11–25s | Low Down Northampton
- Service Six (Wellingborough) – Targeted youth support | servicesix.co.uk
- Northamptonshire Talking Therapies (NHS) – For adults and young people over 17 | Talking Therapies
What We Believe
We believe every person is created in the image of God, precious, loved, and full of potential.
We believe no one is beyond hope or healing.
We believe that the Church should be a place of safety, truth, and belonging.
And we believe that Jesus came for the lonely, the angry, and the lost not to shame them, but to walk with them into life.
Need to Talk?
If you’re worried about yourself or someone else, please reach out. Our church’s safeguarding team can be contacted confidentially at safeguarding@holysepulchre.co.uk.
You are not alone. And there is always a better path than hate.
This article was written by Sarah Newton and reflects her opinion on this matter. Other opinions within the church and the wider Church of England may differ.
